The Curse of the First

Do you ever really get over the person you lost your virginity to? I've discussed this with a few of my friends and it kind of seems like maybe you don'- or at the very least, you always have a soft spot for them. I think it definitely depends on the circumstance surrounding the whole ordeal, but maybe you never quite get the piece of yourself back that you gave away to that "special" someone.

Everyone's circumstances surrounding the loss of their v-card is different. Some people lose it to their first love or high school sweetheart. Others lose it to some person that just happened to be around (hopefully they like the person!) when their teenage hormones took over. Ideally, I think everyone should lose it to a person they "love" and when they feel ready. But sometimes, people just want to get it over with and out of the way. And sometimes, things just happen and one thing leads to another with someone you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend with.

Such was the case with me. I lost to a boy that I definitely liked, but he was older and circumstances and high school drama prevented things from ever being official. It ended up being a friends with benefits type thing for a long time. Not exactly ideal but that's just how it went down. It was a very long time ago now and we have remained in contact on and off over the years. 6 years after he stole my virtue (I tease about this often), we actually decided to go ahead and try the couple thing out for real. That didn't work out at the time and then there was a huge falling out. Just recently we got in contact again and caught up on our lives.

And just like that, I realized how easy it would be to fall into my old feelings. I had a WTF am I doing moment and after discussion with my bestie, realized it is what I now affectionately refer to as the curse of the first. No matter how much time has passed (8 years in my case), if that person comes along again, you could be done for and there isn't much hope for resistance (thankfully I have developed pretty strong will power). Maybe something will always draw you to the person that you gave a big thing away to. Or maybe I'm just weird. Whatever.