What is your pattern?

"Do you notice a pattern with your relationships?"
"I pick 'winners'. They always seem normal at first.... Then they aren't."


 I was asked that question today. I have thought about it before and just by looking at the people I have had past relationships with, there definitely isn't a specific physical type I go for. I have yet to pinpoint the common personality factor either. With some people, it is easy to identify their type. For example, some people go for someone they think they can 'fix', others go for a specific physical type like big, juicy guido men or pretty, petite blonde girls.

I think everyone has a type of physical look that they tend to find most attractive in potential partners. For example, I really love blonde guys (maybe it is my desire to want blonde babies one day) with really nice arms or a tall, sexy chocolate man with a nice smile and that gorgeous skin tone (perma tan babies anyone?). (Side note: just got really concerned that I am attracted to people based on how potential babies would look, is this a natural biological/ semi- unconscious thing that everyone does or should I be worried?). But I have never discounted a potential relationship because someone doesn't have a physical characteristic that I prefer. I do believe that if you fall for someone's personality, (almost) everything about them becomes beautiful/handsome. I have also noticed that a lot of the times, the most physically attractive people, tend to have the worst personalities and end up being the biggest jerks ever simply because they can still get laid no matter how they act just because they are really attractive.

As for a pattern in my relationships, I always pick guys that seem normal at first and seem like they have it all together. Then after a while, it all just blows up and their crazy ends up exploding in my face. There was one who had a teen life crisis and ran away from home and got far too involved in drugs for a while. There was one with multiple jail stints and another drug addiction. Can't forget about the sociopath (my greatest winner of all). The most normal of them needed more from me emotionally than I could give at time, but then we both went balls out screaming crazy at each other one day resulting in many uncalled for, mean, nasty, and hurtful things being said.

As I try to think of a common personality trait, it's kind of hard. Asshole at times- definitely. Fun at times- definitely. Super sweet in private and sometimes in public- yes. A common theme is that they seem to lose interest in their lives and would rather bitch or sit at home and be bums after a while. But on that note, I've definitely thought that it is me causing them to fall off the deep end. Maybe I really am difficult to be in a relationship with- and here I always thought I was pretty chill. I didn't get called Home Depot for nothing I guess!

Maybe in a few years, I can fully grasp my pattern. For now, I blame it all on myself and my great ability at picking winners. I have come to the conclusion that if a guy likes me, then there must be something wrong in their brain and I should probably do both of us a favor and steer clear.

What are your types? Are you a 'fixer'? Do you have jungle fever? Do you know someone with the pretty complex?