It's no surprise, but it's still shocking

Tonight consisted of a total and complete emotional breakdown in the car. Because while driving is absolutely the most appropriate time to start uncontrollably crying. Right?



This week has just been... a lot. Today just broke the camels back. Just when I think I've got it all figured out and everything is in place, life decides to laugh and toss everything around again. Ah, the perils of being in my 20's.

It's like some things/people/situations never change while others will change completely. Such is the circle of life, I understand this, but it doesn't make it suck any less sometimes. But today really shook me up with news that came as no surprise but still managed to shock me that it was true- if that even makes any sense.

Is there even any hope for a real, loving, and lasting relationship anymore? Is it even possible? In a culture where everything is disposable when it breaks or gets difficult, does anyone even try anymore? Do they even care enough to repair anything? My faith in relationships is kind of out the window. I clearly fail at them, and that's fine, I've been working on myself and making me happy so I never NEED one, although a GOOD one might be nice. I had a great role model of a relationship to look up to while growing up so how come I am incapable of forming a workable relationship in my adult life.

In the end, communication is the key to all of it, unfortunately, no one really knows how to communicate properly anymore. Times might get rough, but communication can resolve a lot of issues. Even though I am a person who often will retreat if I have something crazy going on, you can't really just completely shut out the people you care about most. No, I do not want someone to push me into talking but just knowing they are there and that they respect my space is good. Communication should be so easy with how many ways we can do it these days. But the variety of ways also becomes the downfall because things in writing (text, Facebook, email) can be taken so completely out of context and unless you are face to face with someone, things may not come across clearly. With someone in front of you, you kind of have no choice but to acknowledge the other person and what they are saying to you as well as responding them.

That was a little all over the place and confusing, but oh well, that's about what it's like in my head right now. Only it's about 100x worse in my head. So confused.