Gym Thoughts

So I've recently joined a gym. I've been going for about a month now and this is a compilation of some thoughts I have had while there.

"Well there's a douchebag. That shirt is so stupid. You look ridiculous. I don't ever want to see another one of those. Wear a regular t-shirt or tank top. That shirt is pointless. Why are you wearing that? Especially because you are not even buff or toned around your midsection. I don't need to see your man boobs hanging out of the side of this non-shirt."

"Dude, ever heard of leg day? Throw some leg exercises into your rotation. Your body looks ridiculous and disproportionate when your arms are crazy bulked out but your legs have zero tone or definition"

"Woah girl! I never wanted to see that happen. But you do your thing girlfriend. Get it!"

"Oh my gosh, I'm sweating like a whore in church. Why is it so hot? Can we turn the air conditioning on a little higher and point it right at me?? That would be great. Thanks."

"Oh god, is that my ex? Oh nope, not the same tattoos. Thank goodness. But you do have some nice muscles sir."

"Why does time always seem to be at a stand still while I'm on this machine. How has it only been 10 minutes???"

"I hope no one thinks I am actually watching Fox News. I just like this machine because it has the most direct air flow from the air conditioning. I can't help it that it just happens to be the one directly in front of the Fox News TV. Don't judge me because I use this same machine every time I am here, I just really want the air flow. Please don't think I watch this. I swear I'm not plugged into the sound for the TV, I'm jamming to my music. Oh my gosh, they have stupid headlines sometimes. 'Eye Roll'."

"Surely it has been another 10 minutes now. What, it's only been 30 seconds?!? When is this torture going to be over?? I want to go home already! I have some really good food I want to eat. Mmmmm food."

"You guys around the weights sure do a lot of standing and staring at yourself in the mirror. A lot of chatting too. Minimal lifting. Oh look, a few reps! Baller. Oh and then it's back to the standing around. I guess that's cool."

"Oh hey, this is a good song. I have some really good taste in music. Don't start dancing Francesca. Dance in your head, but don't dance for real. People will stare. And you will undoubtedly fall off this machine and break yourself. That would be really pathetic."

"Get a room you guys.This is an area for exercise. Not an area for googly eyes, butt smacks, and face sucking with 2 situps in between. Go home and get a different exercise for goodness sake."

"Put your hair up!"

"Man, I'm really tired of this. I think I might just call it a night. Oh hey, you're cute. I guess I can stay on here and watch you lift. I like it when you flex. Oh wow, my timer is done. Well that worked out perfectly, thanks for the eye candy while I finished my workout sir. I appreciate it."

"Finally done! Woohoo! I feel so accomplished. Finally time to get my tan on."