Without further ado, here are the ridiculous selfies I see on a daily basis. And yes, I am aware that I have been guilty of all of these. That doesn't make them any less ridiculous.
The "I just woke up and looked so naturally gorgeous, I just had to show you" selfie. WHO CARES that you just woke up?!? We all look like trolls when we first wake up. If you didn't have a filter on that, you would look like a troll too. Quit frontin'.
The "#nomakeup #nofilter" selfie. We all know you are really just begging for compliments about how you don't need makeup and are so naturally gorgeous and blah blah blah.
* Sorry- I put a filter on this one. My bad.
The "Bright and early!" selfie.
The "Bored at work" selfie.
The "Lunch break" selfie.
The "Don't I look so sweet and innocent?" selfie. Normally, boobs are hanging out more in order to not actually look so innocent.
The "Eyeball" selfie. Otherwise begging for compliments about their eyes. No one needs to be that up close and personal with your face. Seriously. The truly ballsy girls will actually say #prettyeyes and toot their own horn- your only job is to confirm her thoughts.
The "I'm sad/hurt/broken" selfie. Quit begging for sympathy and pity.
The "Don't I look so sexy?" selfie. This was a pathetic attempt. #longhairdontcare
The "I'm a wild animal, see me roar" selfie. I don't even know.
The "I'm drunk off my ass" selfie. It happens. I forgive you. Because they are always the funniest to see.
The "I love my child cat so much" selfie.
The "See, I told you I love my child cat" selfie.
The "I'm such a good (cat)mommy, can't you tell how much I love my child cat?" selfie.
The "...." selfie. Honestly, I don't even know. I've seen this selfie a few times and I don't know what the goal is. To show off your boobies? Because the facial expressions are always so awkward that I truly question why they would post the chosen picture.
The "Isn't my child cat the cutest. I really really love it" selfie. Seriously, we get it. You can prove your mothering skills without being in every single picture.
The "OMG summer!" or "Don't I look so great after having a kid 2 weeks ago/5 years ago?" selfie. Sometimes this selfie is in actual underwear and if it is in relation to a child, there is almost always children's toys in the background. Keeping it classy folks. These pictures are also just begging for people to stroke their ego about how great they look and how they can't believe they are mother's.
The "Aren't me and my child cat so cute sleeping together? I just need to show you some more evidence of how much I love my child cat" selfie. No one is actually sleeping in these pictures. Why do they continue to be taken? You are not fooling anyone.
The "Just me sleeping" selfie. Again. NO ONE BELIEVES YOU ARE SLEEPING. STOP TAKING SLEEPING PICTURES.
The "Thug life" selfie. Because FUCK YOU! That's why. Can't you tell how hard core I am and how much I don't care about you. Also, don't ignore the duck face. It is an integral part of selfie culture.
So if your Instagram looks anything close to this:
Then you need to take a step away from your phone. Seriously. Stop. If you think this post was ridiculous, then you feel my pain when I scroll through Instagram and your stupid face pops up in my feed 10 times a day. I just want to look at cat pictures damnit!
*And I know I can unfollow people but then who would I get to laugh at?
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